Probably the most effective complaint letter ever written by any passenger..

I just finished a hilarious book “Entry from back side only” by Binoo K John on Indian English and its journey from ‘early days of British Raj’ to modern days. Apart from an erudite description of this journey, the book contains some rare gems picked from different government documents and letters written to editors. But none can beat the following one.. I think the most effective complaint letter ever written by a passenger. Mr. Okhilchandra wrote this letter to railway authorities describing his ’suffering’; the letter resulted in installation of toilets in Indian Railways.

I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on platform. This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard nor wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big reports to the papers.

I think we must thank Mr. Okhilchandra for causing ‘installation of toilets in Indian Railway’ and for the letter mentioned above.

 

Technorati Tags: Indian English,Indian Railways,Humour

Some ways to enjoy any movie…

When I used to go watch movies with my friends, I used to enjoy the comments made by the audience. The Director (be it Yash Chopra or TLV Prasad) were invariably blessed with some ‘Ashirvachan (nice words)’ from one or another corner. And the most common comments were ‘ticket ke paise bekaar main gaye (I wasted my ticket money) ‘complete dabba hai (its all rubbish)’ ‘koi kahani nahi hai (there is no story)’ ‘ghishi piti hai (its same old story)’ ..

But for me, its completely different, once I buy a ticket for movie, I enjoy it to the fullest. Paisa Wasool. Yes. And why not, I wanted to enjoy three hours and that I ll do anyhow. So you want to know the secret.. I bet after reading this you will enjoy all the movies.

1. Do you love FTv? I know you do. So you can enjoy the FTv stuff as most of our beloved heroines are dressed in those clothes which defy basic purpose of clothing. So just think that you are watching FTv and feel happy.
2. If you are watching Hindi/Tamil/Telgu movie with customary 8 songs, so your 40 (8 X 5) minutes are already fun. Entertainment Guaranteed.
   • Watch carefully expression on the face of people dancing around our Hero and Heroine, they act better than our Hero and Heroine but, unlucky people. and don’t forget to watch their clothes. Our dress designer are really creativity personified. If hero/heroine is in white then these people (friend of Hero/Heroine or those who appear from nowhere to provide chorus and facilitate Hero/Heroine to do group dance) will be dressed in black or other contrast. Our director knows that if they all are dressed alike, you would have tough time deciding who is the hero/heroine.
   • Just concentrate on the lyrics of songs and accompanied/following dance steps. Man. You will love it. I fail to understand (i am moron, so please forgive) connection between Heart (Dil) and Hips (Kulhe in Shudh Hindi). Hero/Heroine will sing about Heart and shake their hips in rhythm.. Dil le gayi, le gayi… okey dil le gayi lekin kya dard kulhe (hips) main ho raha hai ..use kyon hila raha hai.. but later I got the connection (oops censored.)
3. What ? You do not watch FTv. So you are those kind of guy who watch Discovery and NatGeo. No problem. Our directors/producers take care of your every need. Within one song, you would see a whole gamut of cities and hill stations. But there is one problem, they do not put all the name and info like these channel for all locations. So we did some innovative thinking and decided that we would always carry a pen and paper and we will try to check our GK and who identifies the most number of locations/monuments correctly. Our movies provide wholesome entertainment and opportunities to improve our knowledge.
4. If you want to get some really different experience, then watch around yourself. How people react watching scenes on the screen. Amazing. especially when love scene or intense action scene is going on. I know, you must be thinking what kind of fool I am to watch people watching those scenes instead of watching the movies. But do it once, I bet you will enjoy more watching people’s reaction to the scene than watching the scene itself. But bewared, do not let the victim figure it out what you are up to.

Technorati tags: humour, movies, bc

Retirement Planning

Don’t get shocked or be happy, I am not retiring, I am just doing planning for my retirement. And planning is one thing I have always been comfortable doing it. So in search of some good pension plan I landed up on ICICI Prudential’s website. And played their Retirement Planning game.

A very simple game, they ask question about your life style, savings and they will predict what amount of savings you need to do every month to enjoy the desired lifestyle after retirement.

So I played the game. I filled all the questions and field required for getting predictions and suggestions. Some very simple questions and very simple answers. After 10 minutes of exercise, I got my result.

I need to save Rs.34458 to enjoy the current lifestyle (with some minor modification) after retirement. Huhh..

Now this is a real problem. Now its almost impossible for me to save this amount everymonth. Something must be wrong. How can this be possible? So did some analysis.. and got the solution.

I can change my lifestyle a little bit (actually start spending a bit more) and then I would be able to save money to enjoy the desired lifestyle after retirement. So what are the changes I need to make in my lifestyle?

Start Drinking One bottle (daily!!)of Royal Challenge(RC) or it can be Old Monk (actually these two names are quite motivating.. one gives me feeling that I am taking up some challenge and another one provides me the feeling of Spiritual touch .. afterall old monks are filled with knowledge and wisdom..) I want to sing ala Big B.. मुझे पीने का शौक नहीं.. पीता हुं पेन्सन बचाने को..

Smoking 1 pack of Wills oh..sorry costly.. Capstan

And no need to do any shadow kick boxing or jogging… (cool.. anyway its too boring exercise…just realized that almost all the beautiful girls have now switched to treadmills)

Now I need to save only Rs.14000 per month .. great.. that I can do.

You must have guessed, due to my no drinking, no smoking, and active lifestyle, the game predicted I will live upto 82 Years (don’t want to live that long.. what will you do in that age.. nothing works..ya .. nothing..) So I need to save money for 37 Years (Ya, I am planning to retire at 45).

So little bit more expense everymonth on the above mentioned items (luckily my mom does not read my blogs.. ) and I have taken care of my saving blues…

Technorati tags: life insurance, Retirement Planning, Personal, Blogs

A friend In need, is a friend indeed.

There have been a lot of occassions when this phrase has taken form of extolment for someones help and cooperation. But for me, this adage reminds me of ‘Google’. Ya, when I entered into the b-school, the first thing i realized that to survive there you have to first have to get a crash course in ‘googling’. And very soon I realize that ‘google’ is a friend in deed. It has taken numerous forms depending upon my need, situation and mood. Right from my academic partner, someone who did most of my assignments to partner in crimes(!!).

You have to write a project proposal, solve a case study and after going through the assignment you find out that everything is going like Shoeb Akhtar bouncer and you are there on the batting crease without helmet. Thanks to daydreaming in the class when the professor was delivering those soporofic lectures, or you were unleashing your creativity (trying to beat Van Gogh and others in modern art) on the notebook while others were busy taking notes. What to do? Aks Google, be a little polite (you should know how to talk to him) and he comes up with exactly what you needed. Prepare cover page, ensure that your friend has shown a little differenc of opinion and not picked up the same piece. And you have hit the assignment for a six, though its a different issue that you have ensured that you have bowled out any possibility of getting anything out of that assignment, apart from grades.

You just came to know  that Janet Jackson has provided some real exposure to those who were there in time. But alas, you missed. Again damn classes. You always miss ‘the Best Shows’ on the TV. Ask your friend to provide you a glimpse of the show. And within seconds, you will not only get the desired but also if you wanted to be author, you might feel like writing a biography of her. Thanks Mr. Google.

There are some people who cannot see other people happy. And most of the Network Administrator are like that only. The really useful websites are always blocked. But dont worry, if you have really established good relationship with Mr. Google and understand him well, he helps you, though not openly. Use ‘Google Proxy’ and chuckle at your success, though you badly wanted to inform the network administrator about the futility of that ‘network management utility’.

Now you are employed and if you are as unlucky as I, you are in a place where ‘omnipresence’ of english doesnot hold good. Ya, people do not speak the language you know, and making situation worse, these are the people you have to deal with. Failure to communicate properly is overall failure. Google comes to help. Go to google language tools, type what you want to say, note it down, there you are, you have expressed your self. The mastery is to frame the questions, which can be easily answered in affirmative or negative, otherwise.. okey..you don’t want any handicap of framing these kind of questions only. Get your laptop ready, write whatever you want to say, show him on the laptop and ask him to answer in the google language tool text box and you are done…

What you want more….

Tags: Google, blogs

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